let's build a house; where trees hang low.

in 48 hours i will be on a plane to new york city.

this is wonderful news.

because its fashionable and bigger than vernon.

i feel like people will understand me.

not really, though, seeing as i dress very vernon-esque. ugh.

but alack and alas.

also, i've decided that i will NOT become that girl that gets super fat after high school.

like i mean, i know there's always a good solid handful in each grad class.

but it will not be me.

and i will not be living with my parents partying with high school kids not doing anything three years later.

its creepy and weird and i am determined.

so sfu, please show me some love and let me in next year.

and work, please let me have enough money to go to sfu when they let me in next year.

yesssss.

newyorknewyorknewyorknewyorknewyork.

love.

hello, is it me you're looking for

i just wanted to say, thank you.

thank you for being you.

thank you for listening to me complain.

thank you for putting up with all the bullshit things i say.

thank you for being able to handle my emotional side.

thank you for telling me i'm beautiful on my fat, no makeup, hair up days.

thank you for loving me.

thank you for talking to me.

thank you for coming out of your shell. i hope that i helped a bit with that.

thank you for taking me to chick flicks you don't want to see.

thank you for being so reasonable when i am so not.

thank you for making me feel perfect.

thank you for holding me.

thank you for cuddling.

thank you for pulling me closer.

thank you for hanging out with my family.

and liking it.

thank you for laughing at my stories when they aren't funny.

thank you for liking ridiculous things that i do.

thank you for knowing me and what i'm about.

thank you for being such an awesome boyfriend.

thank you for being you.

i love you, mr. sellars.

oh my god, i hit william shatner.

well helllo there i haven't written for quite some while.

and when reading while, i hope you pronounce it wHile.

really emphasize the h.

kay thanks.

so i leave for new york in ten days!!!

how excited are you? SO EXCITED, thats how!!!

xtine and yano and mica and myself all in one roooooooom thats how excited.

woooo freakiin eff. i can finally get out of this town. im so tired of this place. it'll be awesome to get out. even if it is only for one week. thats one week i won't have to be here for. which is so exciting.

freaking school. i don't want this anymore. i slept through both blocks of english today. yep. as attractive as marlon brando is, a streetcar named desire movie is not that interesting. it was a nice power nap to get me ready for....english lit! huzzahhhh. at least me and taylor and jenny were wearing basically the same color. that kept me entertained for a good while of the day. especially seeing how many people commented on it.

'oh hey, you guys are wearing the same color!'

'dude, did you plan that?'

'haha you're all dressed the same.'

oh really? thank you. i hadn't noticed in the ten minutes we have been sitting here together. lol at the tools

i saw shutter island last night.

im a huge baby and that is all that this paragraph will say.

and i'm in a pissy mood right now.

cause i've asked for flowers how many times? but no. not for me. flowers are expensive, dates are expensive, gas is expensive.

ahhh yes, but getting new tires because you want your car to look nicer isn't expensive.

thank you. thank you.

okay so i read that and realized how selfish i sounded. but you know what? i want freakin flowers.

i would like something that shows some passion here. something out of the ordinary. something that makes me feel good. although, mister, you do say nice things that make me feel nice. and when you hold me and give me a hug from behind, i feel really loved.

but come on.

im not asking for a bouquet every single day. just one. then a couple months down the road, maybe another?

im sorry, but every girl wants to be picked up, handed flowers, and taken out for dinner.

that just sounds lovely.

okay it feels good to get my feelings out through something. i think i just like ranting.

aw graduation station is coming up! three months, three days. sounds gorgeousss.

i'm don't think i feel like going to dance tonight. i mean, i will, of course. partially only to see atisha et jahnaya. but you know. i'll be there. and dancing. wooooo.

aiight, i should go. i love you all.

xoxo

--t

times

I know I need You

I need to love You

I love to see You, but it's been so long

I long to feel You

I feel this need for You

And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Now You pull me near You

When we're close, I fear You

Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done

Are You done forgiving?

Oh can You look past my pretending?

Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become

What have I become?

I hear You say,

My love is over. It's underneath.

It's inside. It's in between.

The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.

The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '

The times you're broken.

The times that you mend.

The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, it's underneath.

It's inside, it's in between.

These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.

The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.

The times you're hurting.

The times that you heal.

The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.

The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.

I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.

I'm there through your heartache.

I'm there in the storm.

My love I will keep you, by My power alone.

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.

I'll never forsake you

My love never ends.

It never ends.

ranting.

okay, so no, we DIDN'T actually see each other yesterday, that was a couple days ago. and sorry if i want to see you more than once in a couple of days? is it really that big of a hassle to put up with me for that long? then why are we still here? also, you said you'd be there, so you should be there. i'm sorry, i'm calling bullshit. it takes at least an hour and a half, just driving. so making those plans knowing what you had just told me, thats slightly upsetting. sorry if this is stupid. it is me, after all, most things i say are stupid, right?

also, yeah, i'm gonna be concerned that those were face down. its kind of sketchy, when they're all in one place like that, face down instead of standing up. i don't care if you look at them every day, i don't care if you look at them at all. but it seemed to me like you were going out of your way not to look. obviously things are going to go through my mind if i see that, so thats pretty sweet.

maybe this needs some rethinking.

some reworking.

some something.

another wasted breath, again i go unnoticed.

GRAD 2010 MISSION IMPOSSIBLLLEEE

WOOOOO!

so fun.

almost the whole freakin grad class showed up and ran around the school in the dark together, what could be more fun than that? the possible fact that about seven teachers were chasing you trying to mark your arms with whiteboard markers? i think so. ah i love it.

Also,

so i spent all day with you, and i was just wondering how you're feeling.

cause i know you say i should know you love me, but sometimes its hard. I need you to show it, to show your appreciation. It's really frustrating when i'm making you meals quite a bit, and i just buy you random gifts, and i feel like you don't care. i know you buy supper and everything usually, but i usually thank you right away. i get that you're a guy and don't really care or think about that kind of stuff, but you know for a fact that i do. i care. so could you please just try to show me appreciation just randomly? cause you know i love you and that's why i get upset. because i worry you don't love me back.

i'm sorry i woke you when you were taking a nap. at nine o clock at night. is this not a bit weird to you? i think you need to fix your sleeping patterns, cause its frustrating and i'm sure its very unhealthy to only be awake when its dark out. i just would very much like to not feel bad for calling you, and very much like to make sure you're all in.

i love you.

showertime.